This may sound strange for some but for many, you are doing the victory dance with me!
For so many years, I struggled with liking me. I struggled with accepting the person that I am because I thought I wasn’t enough. It wasn’t the critiques or comments from others that created my insecurities but my own negative self talk. I would look around at other people and pick parts of their lives that I thought should fit into mine.
If I had a man like him, I would be happy.
If my hair looked like that, I would be happy.
If I lived in a house like that, I would be happy.
If I could buy all the clothes I want, I would would be happy.
If I drove that car, I would be happy.
If I had more money, my life would be perfect.
I wish I could tell you how many years, I spent on this mental rollercoaster of internal anxiety. It was exhausting! I was never satisfied because all I could see in my life was all the things that needed fixing.
This part is going to sound really strange… I was on a call recently and the moderator asked the group how they dealt with insecurities and inadequacies. I paused for a moment to gather my thoughts in case I was selected to speak and it hit me…
I got over it! [insert another victory dance]
I quit reading all the self help blogs, articles and books. I quit looking for answers to my “problems” because I realized that I wasn’t broken. We have this misconception that life is supposed to be perfect and that everyone is supposed to like us and that all things are supposed to be great all of the time but they aren’t and they never will be. We see every problem in our lives as an obstacle to our happiness instead of a part of the process.
Some people think I’m arrogant or stuck up because I don’t walk around broken and defeated. They think I think I’m all of that because I walk with my head held high, shoulders back and confidently placing one six inch stiletto clad foot ahead of the next. It’s not because my life is perfect or because I have everything figured out. I decided to get over myself and stop dwelling in my deficiencies.
All that I am not makes me all that I am…
Somewhere along the journey I developed a relationship with God and in every place where I feel weak, inadequate, insecure or beat down; he has allowed me to lean on him and draw from his strength. I no longer feel like I need the STUFF to make me happy. I don’t need the approval of other people to validate my decisions. My happy place is simply doing good for others, being good to myself and seeing the good all around me. I don’t see my life as an incomplete puzzle that’s always missing the final piece to become complete. My life is more like a never ending game of Jenga - it has its high moments where all the pieces come together and the low moments where all the pieces crumble – and I’m ok with both.
I will never arrive…
In the title I declared that I am BECOMING the person I want to be because I realized that perfection is not attainable. All of the pieces won’t ever fit neatly together. Social media has distorted our concept of happiness because we spend so much time looking at the highlight reels from other people’s lives through their tweets, Facebook posts and Instagram pictures until we forget that there is actually life to be lived. Outside the few moments captured in virtual time, there are the real everyday ebbs and flows, hills and valleys of life and you can’t think that one day its all going to be smooth sailing because it won’t. In my mind, the arrival at perfect peace is death and I’m in no hurry to get there.
I found the keys to my happiness.
- My relationship with God. I can do all things through Him when I am in line with His will. I surrendered my life to be a living testimony of God’s ability to do miraculous things. I try to focus on asking for nothing but wanting to give everything.
- I learned to love unconditionally. I stopped wanting people to be anything other than who they are. Not everyone has a place in my life. I can love some people up close but some have to be loved from afar but I refuse to allow any negative feelings about anyone to dwell in my spirit. I forgave everyone who has hurt me, especially those who never apologized.
- I realized that being the person I wanted to be was simply a matter of doing the things that she would do…
I hope and pray that you find your keys too!
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