The lost art of dating
I envy people from past generations that enjoyed going out on dates. It seems that dating has become a lost art. The whole courting process seems so romantic yet in our society it seems like the process has become rushed.
I may be idealizing the process but compared to what is available today, I think I would have liked it. I imagine meeting a guy, him coming up to me and introducing himself to me by saying something like, “Hi! My name is _____. What is your name?” I can really do without the “Hey, shawty! What yo name is?”
I then imagine us having a brief conversation about something intellectual rather than him visually checking me out from head to toe. Once we establish that there is a basis for further communication, we would make plans to enjoy a meal together and possibly some activity like bowling or a movie. At the end of this event, there would be no sex, no kissing and no trying to get me back to his place. It seems like guys think because we have one conversation and we don’t argue or kill each other, then we are a match – not necessarily made in heaven but suitable for the evening. Thanks, but no thanks!
I envision this dating process happening over the course of some months before we begin a discussion about taking it to the next level. This next level could involve any number of things but the point is for us to be able to enjoy the process of getting to know one another before we go there.
My minister asked a question in bible study that involved a circumstance where the husband and wife disagreed on something very fundamental and what they should do it. The hypothetical disagreement reminded me of the importance of dating. It seems that some guys view dating as a woman trying to spend all his money while some women see it as an opporutnity to try out all of the new restaurants. I think dating is a chance for two people who are interested in each other to learn more about each other and establish a foundation for their future.
Leave me a comment about your idea of a perfect date or let me know if you think dating still exists.
Great topic! Dating, I am pleased to tell you, is not a lost art. I see people “doing their thing” properly all of the time.
There are a few unwritten rules to courting however. First of all, if there’s an obvious attraction between a male and female, it is up to the male to make the approach. God blessed us with testosterone, because it is a hard thing to do. It’s the female’s job to accept or decline.
Secondly, going dutch on the first few dates, although socially acceptable, is stupid. A woman needs to be wooed, and paying for meals, opening and closing doors, and providing transportation is a part of the deal. Trust me!
Going to a movie on the first date is a bad idea unless you’ve already had extensive phone conversations and are somewhat familiar with one another. Dinner at nice restaurant is the best move. The date is more about the conversation and less about the activity, but good food and setting never hurt.
An ideal meeting should go this way, Kesha we agree. You make eye contact, if the woman is nice but looks away, it’s a wrap. She’s not interested. If she engages you, smiles, looks away and looks back, it’s an invitation. You walk over, extend your right hand, warmly accept her hand by placing your left hand on top of hers after she gives it to you, smile, and say “Hi my name is______, and you are?” Once she tells you her name, then you say “Pleased to meet you _______.” That tells her right away that you are courteous, but, more importantly, that you were listening. She’ll apprecite it. Once that’s completed, release her hand.
I would ask, “Would it be ok if I called you sometime?” If she says yes, you accept her number. If she says no, it’s a wrap. Don’t curse her out!
From that point on, the natural ebbs and flows will follow. It can be treacherous. Good luck!
You sound like the ideal guy to go out on a date with. You need to school some of your fellow men on this technique.
I was just going to say the same thing! LOL!We need to set up seminars, a book tour, speaking tour, you name it it needs to happen!
I don’t even know nowadays. I’ve tried dating and it doesn’t work out for me. Maybe it’s me, but like you I’m tired of the “Damn, shorty you thick and sexy as hell”. It just let’s me know all he is looking for is sex. Guys lie so much that they believe the lies themselves.
I had one perfect date in my life and I’m only 26.
As you can see, I really feel your frustration. However, guys like Tracey (above) help me to keep the faith a little longer.
Yes, I agree with that.
The date that Tracey describes sounds like an eloquent piece of fiction. I enjoy fiction so no complaints here. I don’t know a single woman who can relate to that. It sounds lovely though.
Trudy, I agree because I am 32 and I don’t believe I have met a man that smooth yet. Ladies, should we keep hope alive or give up on something like this ever happening? There may be a few good men left but they seem to be few and far between…
Don’t give up hope ladies. Guys like that, we’re out here. However, more often than not, that kindness is mistaken for weakness. Nobody likes weekness. I’ve had numerous dates just like the one I have described. It’s not uncommon to me. My goal is that no woman can ever say that she wasn’t treated like a lady when she was out with me. That’s my guarantee. Now whether she thinks I’m cute or if we have chemistry is a different story.
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Found your site while searching Google for something else Lol Well, you have got a real cool post, indeed! I may come back and check it out again. Keep posting & merry XMAS!
Thanks! I visited your site (http://howtodate101.c0m) and look forward to taking the time to read more of the articles. I am also following you on Twitter
This is an amazing post! I think that it is really hard nowadays to date properly, because there are so many people skipping steps and moving so fast, and a lot of these (NOT all) lead to “seemingly” happy dates and/or relationships.
I am a little more old-fashioned, so I much prefer to be asked out than to do the asking, and so I suppose more of my effort goes into making my interest known (without being too forward). I think that many times, we get reactions based on what vibes we are putting out. Then again, there are people who do not really respect the people they are asking out, nor do they respect themselves. I think that is the underlying issue.
That’s a great point concerning a lack of respect being the underlying issue. I think you just inspired a future blog post
Haha! It inspired me to write something it too. But please do… I would love to hear (read) your thoughts!
Thank you for a new good blog post. Where else can anybody get this kind of article in such a perfect way. I truthfully enjoyed reading it.
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