As a minister and evolved woman, the answer to this question should be a simple “yes”. But I would be lying because that’s not what I really believe.
Most guys (not all guys) don’t really care whether you wait to have sex with them or not. In fact, as much as they like sex, that’s not really a determining factor in their decision to wife you or make you their girlfriend. Think about the number of guys that you know that are in sexually unfulfilling relationships. Trust me, it’s a lot of them out there living with average sex. While there are more than a few married to women who gave it up pretty quickly.
As shallow as we like to believe that guys are, a lot of them place more emphasis on who you are as a person than how quickly they can get you in bed. Most guys can tell within a few minutes whether you are the type of woman that they would be interested in pursuing a relationship with, not based on whether they think they are about to score, but based on how well the two of you relate to each other.
So if your reason for not having sex with a guy is because you think that he will respect you more, I challenge you to rethink that philosophy.
You should wait to have sex because YOU respect YOU.
So often, we worry about what other people think of us or how they see us but you should be more concerned with what’s important to you. What do you value? Do you value feeling a physical connection with the person you are interested in? If so, make sure that both of you are clear about your feelings and where the relationship is headed then enjoy creating the connection. Do you value taking time to get to know a person before you become intimate? If so, then hold out because it’s important to you and not because you are trying to manipulate his feelings. Trust me, it doesn’t work. You can wait one day or one hundred days. If a guy is really feeling you then he’s going to do whatever it takes to make the relationship work, that includes waiting until marriage to sleep with you. Set the standard based on what’s important to you and not some gimmick.
I think that sex is an important part of relationships because it is a form of communication between two people. A lot is said with your physical communication that can’t always be said verbally. Many times, we rush into sexual situations trying to express something that we aren’t ready to verbally communicate. The problem isn’t the sex but the miscommunication about our feelings, beliefs and thoughts. Having sex creates an emotional bond that is sometimes stronger for one person than the other but none the less, it exists. Even if you have a one night stand with someone, that person may pop into your head every now and again because you created a connection with them. However, when you are in a relationship with healthy communication outside of the bedroom, what happens when the two of you get naked should strengthen the relationship and reinforce the feelings that you have already expressed.
You can have a ninety day waiting rule, like Steve Harvey suggested in “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man” but if during those ninety days you haven’t spent time bonding and getting to know each other, you might as well had slept with him on the first date. If you all were not getting along or were arguing during that time, having sex isn’t going to change anything.
There are so many social media therapists ready to tell you to do this or that to get a man or to keep a man but here’s my unprofessional advice…
Do what is going to make you feel like the best person that you can be!
Quit worrying about being sexy and having sex. Focus more on getting to know people and when it’s time for the right man to come along then he will come. Holding out, having sex or becoming celibate should be a decision that you make because it promotes your values and beliefs. Being a person with strong character, willing to stand for whatever you believe, will speak more to him than any relationship rules.
Image courtesy of doveeyes.com
**Don’t forget there are other ways to express intimacy than just having sex…
remember dating a guy who was the total opposite of me… he wasn’t a planner, didn’t have any long-term goals, had a really casual attitude about life. Yes, I am the opposite of that… I plan for almost every scenario, I have goals (immediate, short-term, intermediate, long-term) and I enjoy life but I take it pretty seriously because I want to maximize my time on earth.
