LaKesha Womack

Archive for the tag “Communication”

Which type of speaker are you?

Most speakers fall into at least one of the following categories yet people assume that a person with the ability to communicate clearly is a great speaker.  I think more consideration should be paid to the type of speaking that a person does…

  1. Preacher, of course this is the first that comes to my mind because this is the speaker that I hear the most.  I believe that some preachers are actually teachers.  This is definitely personal opinion because no one knows the relationship between God and a person and what  He has called them to do.  However, I think that the difference between a preacher and teacher is in the delivery of the message.  A teacher is able to teach you something about a Biblical text while a  preacher is usually able to teach you something while also creating an emotional connection.  For many, the assumption that the person and their method of speaking is the conduit of the emotional connection, but I believe that the Holy Spirit working through that person is the source of the connection.  
  2. Teacher, which was addressed briefly above, is a person who has knowledge of a subject or the ability to convey information to a person or group of people.  This person, based on their comfort, can be used in a variety of situations but if booking someone to speak who is a teacher, you should be aware of whether they are an interactive teacher or a lecturer.  It is often assumed that teachers make great speakers because they are used to presenting information, however, depending on your group, the teacher you are considering may or may not be the right fit.
  3. Interviewers are very difficult to find.  There is an art to interviewing and most people can agree that Oprah is the master in the this category.  I have been interviewed by and listened to some interviews that were simply painful.  The art to interviewing involves voice infliction to match the mood and tone of your guest as well as active listening to identify where your next question should come from.  You should also be aware that your guest should do most of the speaking while walking the tightrope of asking enough interesting questions that they can expound on during the allotted amount of time. Most people who are just starting out will have a set of questions that they rely on but as you perfect your craft, you should be able to research your subject so that the interview feels more like a conversation between two (or more) people with the rest of the world listening in.  One of the reasons that Oprah is so successful at interviewing is because she has the ability to create a connection with her guests that allows them to block out the audience, cameras, crew, etc and become totally engrossed in their conversation which often leads to them revealing information that they may not have intended.
  4. Host/Hostess are important components of many events.  A host must have a dynamic and engaging personality that will make people stop talking, drinking or whatever else they are doing to pay attention to what you are saying.  Many people assume that comedians make great hosts but again you need to consider your audience because some people find certain genres of comedy offensive or uncomfortable.  A great host should make the guests feel comfortable, connected to the event and have a command over the time schedule to ensure your event flows smoothly.
  5. Workshop speakers often have traits of one or more of the other speakers but it is important to identify whether you want your participants to do something during the presentation.  If the session is informational only, then you need a seminar speaker.  It is vital that you communicate the difference to your speaker and to your audience because it creates an expectation.  I once attended a workshop that was supposed to be interactive but the presenter spoke the entire time and left the last three minutes for questions.  The attendees had an expectation that they would be participating in the conversation but found themselves listening to a monologue.  If you are a speaker and you are not sure what the expectation is, you should find out prior to creating your presentation.  A workshop should include bits of information with time for discussion or an exercise while a seminar implies that you will speak fluidly for a period of time with an allocation of time for questions or comments at the end.
  6. Keynote Speakers are much like preachers without the divine intervention.  Not everyone is capable of being a keynote speaker, no matter how much speaking experience they have.  Most keynote speakers are known for being able to tell a powerful story within a short span, because most keynotes are a part of a larger event, that creates an emotional connection with the audience or inspires them to action.  Choosing a flat keynote speaker can be harmful to your event because that will be the thing, aside from the food, that they remember the most.

I hope these tips are helpful for speakers and event planners.

Image Courtesy of nutritioneducationexperts.com

Image Courtesy of nutritioneducationexperts.com

I see a lot of people who tag themselves as Motivational or Inspirational Speakers but you should be sure that you have the tone and message that matches that description.  If you are unsure of your speaking style, record a couple of your presentations and listen to them critically.  Also, have your participants complete evaluations and take their assessments seriously so that you can improve your craft.

Side note to all event planners: do your research and listen to past presentations by your presenters then give them a clear direction of your expectations.  You may not be able to imagine the amount of pressure on a speaker when you say, “talk about whatever you want.”  Whenever possible, give them the approximate size of the audience, the demographics, the purpose of the event and a central theme that you would like them to focus on as well as a time frame for their presentation.

Are you afraid of being labeled a “gold digger”?

Steve Harvey presents a very interesting case for ‘gold diggers’ in his book, “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man“…

To paraphrase Steve’s concept, he states that ‘gold digger’ is a term created by men so that they would not have to be accountable to financially providing for women…

By labeling a woman as a ‘gold digger’ if she asked a man for money, the woman would be deterred thus allowing the man to do what he pleased…

I find this mode of thinking interesting on so many levels…

First of all,  I know that some guys really think like this.  I remember dating a guy who would tell me stories about previous dating experiences where the woman asked him for money and the negative feelings he had associated with that.  I giggled because I knew where he was leading, otherwise what would be the point of him telling me this.  He was trying to discourage me from asking him for money so that I would not be labeled a ‘gold digger’.  Another guy kept complimenting me on being an independent woman who didn’t need him to do anything for me o_O I laughed at that because there was no way any man was going to get off that easy.  You think you’re going to be my man with no sense of obligation to me, for what???

On the other hand, I know some women who make gold digging a profession.  They don’t work but drive the nicest cars, live in fly spaces and demand (yes, demand) to eat at the most expensive restaurants.  They target guys who can afford them this lifestyle knowing that they have little to nothing outside of personal attention to provide in return.

Where does that leave us?

We have a group of men who are afraid of being used financially and a group of women with a primary motive of getting all they can get…

In the middle of these two groups are ordinary men and women seeking mutually beneficial relationships.  A woman who wants a man who will provide for her and act as the head of his household, not because she demands it but because that is the role of a man in a relationship. And then there’s the man who wants to treat his woman like a queen but he’s met so many imposters until it is almost impossible to tell the real thing when she comes along.

So now we have all of these independent women who don’t need a man to take care of them (neck rolling and all) and men who are skating on easy street with no sense of responsibility in a relationship.  Yep its all messed up…

Here’s the catch though… 

Most of the women claiming they don’t need a man, don’t have a man.  Most of a women that need a man so that they can maintain their standard of living, have a man.

Wonder why?

Because no matter what a man says, his primal instinct is to provide for his woman.  Most men will cheat on their wives to be with someone who makes them feel needed rather than taking for granted the things that they do.  Gold diggers may not have genuine feelings for their man but when he’s around, they make him feel like the best thing since sliced bread while all of the independent women act like they could care less if he’s around.

I’m not afraid of being labeled a ‘gold digger’…

Image courtesy of pinterest.com

I have standards in a relationship.  I know what I want and what I deserve.  I don’t care how much money a man has or what type of car he drives but I do care about the role he desires to play in our relationship.  Does he see himself as a provider or does he think it’s every man/woman for themselves?  Does he make sure that I am taken care of or does he just assume that everything is ok?

Also… I dropped the independent woman label a long time ago because when you say you don’t need a man, you act like you don’t need a man. (Read I Don’t Need a Man).  I need a man because two is stronger than one when planning a future, raising a family and dealing with the turbulence of life.  I need a shoulder to cry on, a smile to gaze upon and laugh to share.  I don’t just want those things but I need them in my life because I believe that I will be greater when I have a King to make me his Queen.  Will I settle for any dude that comes along flashing a big wad or a nice smile, definitely not because I know my worth but I also won’t allow some dude to manipulate me into believing that he shouldn’t have to do anything for me or that would make me a gold digger…

Want more relationship advice from me?

Is your relationship built on chemistry or chaos?

Have you ever been (or are you now) in one of those relationships where the chemistry is more like chaos?

I remember dating a guy who was the total opposite of me… he wasn’t a planner, didn’t have any long-term goals, had a really casual attitude about life. Yes, I am the opposite of that… I plan for almost every scenario, I have goals (immediate, short-term, intermediate, long-term) and I enjoy life but I take it pretty seriously because I want to maximize my time on earth.

Anyway, while we were dating it seemed like our differences fueled many passionate discussions, which could later be looked upon as arguments. I tried to look past our differences and rationalized them to be the chemistry that kept us together, after all opposites attract, right?

Not always… I have seen some relationships held together by the chaos of each person’s differences but they also rationalized the arguments to be a part of their chemistry. But I wonder, does it take all of that to coexist? If you are so different until it creates arguments or constant disagreement then how stable is your relationship?

For some of us, it is important to take a step back and ask ourselves if the chaos is making us stronger or driving a wedge between us. Although you may not like the answer, it’s a question worth asking. When I was in this situation, I had to realize that the main reason I was hanging on was because I was ready to get married and thought no matter how different we were, I could find a way to deal.

Whoa!!

If you are in a relationship and telling yourself that you will find a way to look past this and that or that this thing doesn’t really matter then you are as delusional as I was. I think a solid relationship is built on general chemistry. Does that mean that you will agree about everything? No! But it means that those differences draw you closer and you learn from one another. His/her weakness could be your strength and you trust each other enough to reveal those weaknesses while relying on the other’s strengths.

Doing that requires…

  • Communication – not just you talking and the other person listening but both of you talking and both of you listening
  • Trust – that’s a tough one because a lot of us (including me) have trust issues, we have been let down so many times in the past until we are afraid to let go and trust but if you are working on something solid, you have to be able to trust
  • Honesty – it is essential that you are able to believe the words coming out of the other person’s mouth, you also have to stop frontin’ and be honest about who you really are…
  • Compromise – when the relationship is good, no one thinks about winning and losing because if one is losing then you both are and the same is true for winning, you should be with a person who doesn’t view the relationship as a competition rather a partnership

I hope these tips helped you think about whether your relationship is built on chemistry or chaos (Bonus: if it is built on chaos, you don’t have to break up, start communicating in an honest way to build trust and learn to compromise but remember it takes two…)

Want more relationship advice from me?

Are you apart of his life?

All of my grammar aficionados know that there is a difference between “apart” and “a  part”.  However, I think this is something that we need to apply to relationships as well.

According to wikianswers.com:

apart – to be away; separate

a part – to be together; part of

What does this mean in the context of a relationship?

I’m glad you asked…

One day I found myself thinking about the guy that I was dating.  I was thinking about the role that I played in his life and found myself happy to be a part of his life.  Then I started to really think about our relationship.  Was I really part of his life or was I a separate part of his life?

Some people in relationships don’t realize that they are apart of that person’s life.  A separate part of their life.  Although you may spend time with them, go out on dates, do stuff together; you are still not part of their life. You don’t get invited to family events, you didn’t get asked to go to the company picnic… you are a separate part of that person’s life.

Why does this matter?  It is important because if you have plans for a future together, you should be a part of the their life, you should be included in the events of their life, you should not be a separate component.  Please don’t take this to the extreme and try to insert yourself into every area of your partner’s life but consider how often you are included in activities that don’t just involve the two of you or your family/friends.

Initially, you may both value your separate spaces and want to hold off introducing the other to the people in your life because you want to be sure that they are someone who will be around, for a while.  This is wise.  However, don’t get stuck in that trap because at some point you want to become included and you want to include them.  If you find yourself with someone for an extended period (I would say six months or more but that’s just me) and you have never met or interacted with any of their family or friends… that may be a red flag.

What do you do? Talk to the person.  If you don’t feel comfortable approaching the subject that is a whole other issue that we need to discuss later.  You should simply point out that you have never met or spent any time with anyone else in their life.  It is possible that they may not have realized that they have been keeping you as a separate part of their life and will make plans to begin including you.  Just don’t fall for those tired and lame excuses like “my family is crazy and I don’t want to subject you to all of that” or “I don’t really have any friends.” Those are excuses and a sign that the person may not be as committed to you as you thought.

We often find ourselves in situations that we call relationships when they really aren’t.  We invest valuable time in people who have no genuine desire to give us a return on that investment.  Sometimes all it takes to figure out what’s really going on is to pay attention to the signs and ask questions.

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Ladies, it’s ok to think like a man…

I know some of you ladies won’t agree with me on this but I think that its ok for us to think like a man…

Some of the arguments that I have heard against this statement are…

  • I don’t need to think like a man, I need to think like God…
  • If I was meant to think like a man then I would have been created a man…
  • I don’t need to think like a man, a man should think like me…

Here is my opinion…

Many of you have heard of Steve Harvey’s book, “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man“.  Some of you have read the book while others may have only seen the movie.  Regardless of your opinion about his opinion on the subject, you must realize that one of the keys to communicating in any relationship or situation is your ability to understand the other person’s perspective.  If you go into every situation expecting to be understood but having no desire to understand then don’t be surprised when there is a breakdown in communication.

I believe that men and women process information differently and this theory has been tested, written about and discussed for years.  No matter our communication styles, we all expect to be heard, respected and understood.  When a lady thinks like a man,  she is taking into consideration that if she presents him with a problem; unlike her girlfriend who won’t mind chatting for hours about the single subject, he will more than likely be seeking a solution.  She also takes into consideration that most men don’t read emotions very well, they believe you when you say that nothing is wrong.

Thinking like a man doesn’t mean that you stop being a woman or throw your religious values out the door but it means that when you communicate, you are thinking of not only your side but also his.  In a successful relationship, he will also be trying to think like you so that he can understand, respect and hear what you are saying…

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