Are you afraid of being labeled a “gold digger”?
Steve Harvey presents a very interesting case for ‘gold diggers’ in his book, “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man“…
To paraphrase Steve’s concept, he states that ‘gold digger’ is a term created by men so that they would not have to be accountable to financially providing for women…
By labeling a woman as a ‘gold digger’ if she asked a man for money, the woman would be deterred thus allowing the man to do what he pleased…
I find this mode of thinking interesting on so many levels…
First of all, I know that some guys really think like this. I remember dating a guy who would tell me stories about previous dating experiences where the woman asked him for money and the negative feelings he had associated with that. I giggled because I knew where he was leading, otherwise what would be the point of him telling me this. He was trying to discourage me from asking him for money so that I would not be labeled a ‘gold digger’. Another guy kept complimenting me on being an independent woman who didn’t need him to do anything for me o_O I laughed at that because there was no way any man was going to get off that easy. You think you’re going to be my man with no sense of obligation to me, for what???
On the other hand, I know some women who make gold digging a profession. They don’t work but drive the nicest cars, live in fly spaces and demand (yes, demand) to eat at the most expensive restaurants. They target guys who can afford them this lifestyle knowing that they have little to nothing outside of personal attention to provide in return.
Where does that leave us?
We have a group of men who are afraid of being used financially and a group of women with a primary motive of getting all they can get…
In the middle of these two groups are ordinary men and women seeking mutually beneficial relationships. A woman who wants a man who will provide for her and act as the head of his household, not because she demands it but because that is the role of a man in a relationship. And then there’s the man who wants to treat his woman like a queen but he’s met so many imposters until it is almost impossible to tell the real thing when she comes along.
So now we have all of these independent women who don’t need a man to take care of them (neck rolling and all) and men who are skating on easy street with no sense of responsibility in a relationship. Yep its all messed up…
Here’s the catch though…
Most of the women claiming they don’t need a man, don’t have a man. Most of a women that need a man so that they can maintain their standard of living, have a man.
Wonder why?
Because no matter what a man says, his primal instinct is to provide for his woman. Most men will cheat on their wives to be with someone who makes them feel needed rather than taking for granted the things that they do. Gold diggers may not have genuine feelings for their man but when he’s around, they make him feel like the best thing since sliced bread while all of the independent women act like they could care less if he’s around.
I’m not afraid of being labeled a ‘gold digger’…
Image courtesy of pinterest.com
I have standards in a relationship. I know what I want and what I deserve. I don’t care how much money a man has or what type of car he drives but I do care about the role he desires to play in our relationship. Does he see himself as a provider or does he think it’s every man/woman for themselves? Does he make sure that I am taken care of or does he just assume that everything is ok?
Also… I dropped the independent woman label a long time ago because when you say you don’t need a man, you act like you don’t need a man. (Read I Don’t Need a Man). I need a man because two is stronger than one when planning a future, raising a family and dealing with the turbulence of life. I need a shoulder to cry on, a smile to gaze upon and laugh to share. I don’t just want those things but I need them in my life because I believe that I will be greater when I have a King to make me his Queen. Will I settle for any dude that comes along flashing a big wad or a nice smile, definitely not because I know my worth but I also won’t allow some dude to manipulate me into believing that he shouldn’t have to do anything for me or that would make me a gold digger…
Want more relationship advice from me?
- Order your autographed copy of “Is She The ONE?” It provides ten ways for a man to determine if the woman he is dating is a gold digger, drama queen or The ONE…
- Check out Relationships 101 on this blog
- Check out Relationships Q&A and submit a relationship question to me
- Listen to past episodes of Late Night with LaKesha on Blog Talk Radio
remember dating a guy who was the total opposite of me… he wasn’t a planner, didn’t have any long-term goals, had a really casual attitude about life. Yes, I am the opposite of that… I plan for almost every scenario, I have goals (immediate, short-term, intermediate, long-term) and I enjoy life but I take it pretty seriously because I want to maximize my time on earth.
