LaKesha Womack

Archive for the tag “Sex”

20 Dec 2012
6 Comments

Will he respect you more if you wait to have sex?

As a minister and evolved woman, the answer to this question should be a simple “yes”.  But I would be lying because that’s not what I really believe.

Most guys (not all guys) don’t really care whether you wait to have sex with them or not.  In fact, as much as they like sex, that’s not really a determining factor in their decision to wife you or make you their girlfriend.  Think about the number of guys that you know that are in sexually unfulfilling relationships.   Trust me, it’s a lot of them out there living with average sex.  While there are more than a few married to women who gave it up pretty quickly.

As shallow as we like to believe that guys are, a lot of them place more emphasis on who you are as a person than how quickly they can get you in bed.  Most guys can tell within a few minutes whether you are the type of woman that they would be interested in pursuing a relationship with, not based on whether they think they are about to score, but based on how well the two of you relate to each other.

So if your reason for not having sex with a guy is because you think that he will respect you more, I challenge you to rethink that philosophy.

You should wait to have sex because YOU respect YOU.  

So often, we worry about what other people think of us or how they see us but you should be more concerned with what’s important to you.  What do you value?  Do you value feeling a physical connection with the person you are interested in? If so, make sure that both of you are clear about your feelings and where the relationship is headed then enjoy creating the connection.  Do you value taking time to get to know a person before you become intimate?  If so, then hold out because it’s important to you and not because you are trying to manipulate his feelings.  Trust me, it doesn’t work.  You can wait one day or one hundred days.  If a guy is really feeling you then he’s going to do whatever it takes to make the relationship work, that includes waiting until marriage to sleep with you.  Set the standard based on what’s important to you and not some gimmick.

I think that sex is an important part of relationships because it is a form of communication between two people.  A lot is said with your physical communication that can’t always be said verbally.  Many times, we rush into sexual situations trying to express something that we aren’t ready to verbally communicate.  The problem isn’t the sex but the miscommunication about our feelings, beliefs and thoughts.  Having sex creates an emotional bond that is sometimes stronger for one person than the other but none the less, it exists.  Even if you have a one night stand with someone, that person may pop into your head every now and again because you created a connection with them.  However, when you are in a relationship with healthy communication outside of the bedroom, what happens when the two of you get naked should strengthen the relationship and reinforce the feelings that you have already expressed.

You can have a ninety day waiting rule, like Steve Harvey suggested in “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man” but if during those ninety days you haven’t spent time bonding and getting to know each other, you might as well had slept with him on the first date.  If you all were not getting along or were arguing during that time, having sex isn’t going to change anything.

There are so many social media therapists ready to tell you to do this or that to get a man or to keep a man but here’s my unprofessional advice…

Do what is going to make you feel like the best person that you can be!

Quit worrying about being sexy and having sex.  Focus more on getting to know people and when it’s time for the right man to come along then he will come.  Holding out, having sex or becoming celibate should be a decision that you make because it  promotes your values and beliefs. Being a person with strong character, willing to stand for whatever you believe, will speak more to him than any relationship rules.

Image courtesy of doveeyes.com

Image courtesy of doveeyes.com

 

**Don’t forget there are other ways to express intimacy than just having sex…

Posted in Relationships 101 and tagged , , , , , , ,
24 Mar 2012

No Birth Control + No Abortions = No Sex

I am really curious how our conservative law makers envision this equation computing.  If you throw in their desires to reduce or eliminate federal assistance programs such as food stamps; you have to wonder what type of America they see in our future.

First, if they want to ban or make it more difficult for women to have access birth control; do they believe that this is going to aid in our population control? We are society that currently consumes more than we produce so it seems to me that not having viable methods of family planning would lead to more children being conceived  by people who may not be able to take care of them.

Once you take away the option to terminate a pregnancy, for whatever reason a person chooses… And let’s take a side step on this subject for a moment.  Most of the advocates against abortion have this belief based on their religious values.  However, in 1 Corinthians 4: 4-5 Paul clearly explains “It is the Lord who judges me.  Therefore judge nothing before the appointned time; wait till the Lord comes.  He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men’s hearts.”  As our elected government officials, their jobs are not to stand as our moral judges rather to ensure that we have a system that guarentees life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  They do not have the right to define what that means to each of us rather they should ensure it for all of us.  Whether a woman chooses to terminate a pregnancy or not should be a decision between her, her doctor and God; regardless of how we feel about it.  Back to my original point, so we no longer have the right to terminate pregnancies nor do we have reasonable access to birth control.  What happens to all of those babies that have been conceived in circumstances where the parents are unwilling or unable to care for the child?

This makes me wonder if these law makers assume that no birth control and no abortions will mean that people will stop having sex.  That they will stop engaging in the act that creates life.  Somehow, I believe this is highly unlikely.  Not only are these laws dangerous because in many instances birth control is used for medicinal reasons other than family planning and because many women have to terminate pregnancies for reasons other than them not wanting the child, but these laws are dangerous to our economy.

Let’s think for a second about their postion on welfare.  They want less people to receive federal assistance such as the programs that aid with providing food for many families and recieving access to medical benefits.  Ok, so we now have a system that discourages family planning under the assumption that people are going to exercise self control (knowing that we are not a society that has mastered that skill) and we are going to make it difficult for the people who are already struggling  financially to gain access to assistance.

My prediction… an increase in orphans.  The short sightedness of the leaders is almost criminal because they are not thinking past their own judgemental beliefs.  Ok, you are against contraceptives.  Ok, you think abortions are morally wrong.  Ok, our governement is too large and we can’t afford all of our social services.  However, to take all three off the table or hide them under the table means that you are going to have people creating lives that they did not want and/or can not afford to take care of.  Do they think these people will simply pull up their boot straps and make a way?  Some will.  But there are many who will  not.  My question is who will take care of the unwanted children.  We already have foster care systems clamoring to find parents to take in children.  Will we leave it to the adoption agencies to take this child from this home and put it in that home, as long as its not a same sex home?

I believe these laws are not only intrusive in regards to our personal lives but for a party that claims they want smaller government and that the government should allow the free economic market to work itself out, they seem hell bent on intruding into our personal lives rather than regulating existing industries that allow people to plan for families using whatever method they feel morally comfortable with.  And I will even go out on a limb and suggest that the time spent debating these issues could be time spent focused on improving our economy so that more people have jobs.  If you want to stop people for having sex and making babies, put them to work so that they don’t have time to procreate.

What do you think?  Am I totally reaching with this argument?  Should our government serve as our moral regulators?

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Posted in Common Sense Policies and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment
22 Mar 2011
1 Comment

Is it safe to mix business with pleasure?

We’ve all heard the saying that you should never mix business with pleasure but I am sure it is still being done every day.  Not only are office mates hooking up but people are exchanging favors for business deals.

What are your thoughts?  Does it matter if you mix business with pleasure or should it be avoided?  Join my guest, Skylyn Haggins, a professional in the entertainment industry to discuss whether hooking up can really get you ahead or hold you back.

We want to know what you think… join us tonight on Blog Talk Radio (March 22, 2011 at 10pm CST).

Here’s how you can participate – share your comments and questions via

  • Twitter - @LaKeshaWomack – during the show (between 945p and 1020p CST)
  • Call in to the show (646.929.2031) and request to speak with Skylyn and LaKesha
  • Email me prior to the show – contact@LaKeshaWomack.com

Don’t forget to follow the show and receive email reminders for upcoming shows…

About Skylyn Haggins…

 

Skylyn is the Station Manager for DSLRadio; Co-Host of the Grind & Sky Show with  Bobby Grind; Co-Founder Grind Kidz, Chief Operating Officer at Radio City Radio and does promotions for Rhino Silver.
He is one of the hardest working men in entertainment and a pleasure to network with.

 

Find him online:

Posted in Late Night with LaKesha Guests and tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,
20 Dec 2010
2 Comments

Sebastian Kole discusses “Does society take sex seriously?”

In our highly sexualized society, we have to wonder… how seriously do we take seriously?

It can be argued that some people take sex too seriously and make life altering decisions based on carnal desires.  However, it can also be argued that many people don’t take sex serious enough and enter into physical relationships with little to no regard for the emotional attachment that will follow.  Join Sebastian Kole and I as we discuss this issue and how these schools of thought are contributing to society’s relationship trends.

Don’t forget… we want to hear from you.

  • Tweet me (@LaKeshaWomack) your questions and/or comments using #LNWL
  • Submit a comment or question below
  • Comment on the BlogTalkRadio homepage
  • Email me at contact@LaKeshaWomack.com

Join Sebastian and I on Tuesday, December 21 at 10pm on http://blogtalkradio.com/lakeshawomack

About Sebastian Kole…

Sebastian Kole - Live From My Notebook

Singer-songwriter, Sebastian Kole,  was born and raised in Birmingham, AL. A trained jazz musician and vocal performer, Sebastian Kole began playing piano in the church and performing as a young child .At a very early age, he established his desire and destiny to sing and perform his own music: “I knew a long time ago I didn’t want to do cover music; singing and songwriting for me are pretty inseparable.” In fact, among his greatest influences in music are singer-songwriter musicians, particularly piano players such as Ray Charles, Stevie Wonder, Prince, John Legend, and Bilal. Also among his influences have been Beethoven, Bach, Handel, and Thelonius Monk, master musicians whom Sebastian Kole says were “never afraid of their own minds.”

Upon graduating with a degree in music, he recorded and released his self-titled album. Over the next few years, he toured Germany, France and Italy. He has performed his own music opening in concert for Monica, Raheem Devaughn, Anthony David, Julie Dexter and Musiq Soulchild and has shared the stage with fellow Birmingham grown artist Ruben Studdard. Sebastian Kole is set to release his next album “Live From My Notebook” in 2010, which features hit singles “Jaded” and “Before You Go.”

Sebastian Kole is an engaging storyteller with an uncanny ability to relate to people in his lyrics, music, and performance. He often sings of relationships which are a common human experience. Whether excess, or lack thereof, I try to look at them from a different perspective.” He also offers a unique perspective on music.

Find Sebastian online…

Website: http://SebastianKole.com

Twitter: @SebastianKole

Facebook – Live From My Notebook

Posted in Late Night with LaKesha Guests and tagged , , , , , , , , ,
03 Dec 2010
4 Comments

Dating Tips & Ideas

After my Blog Talk Radio show last week, “The Lost Art of Dating” with The Style Gent and my blog co-post with Will Deyamport, “Who Should Pay?”; I started thinking that maybe dating isn’t a lost art.  People are still dating but it seems that they are doing it for the wrong reasons and in the wrong manner.  Based off the previously mentioned show, blog and comments, I would like to provide the following dating tips and ideas.

The First Couple

Tips

  1. Get to the know the person before you ask them out on a date.  Have a few phone conversations to build some rapport with the person and determine if they are someone who you want to commit time to hanging out with.  There are some people that may be attractive physically but after a few conversations, you realize there is no chemistry.  This can easily be determined over the phone.
  2. Limit or eliminate your alcohol consumption during the initial dates.  Not only does this increase the amount of your bill but it can also cloud your judgement.  You want to have a clear head so that you can rationally decide if this is someone you want to spend more time with.
  3. Date with purpose.  Don’t use dating as a pass time or recreational activity unless both parties agree that you are just hanging out for fun.  Be selective about the people that you choose to spend one on one time with and you won’t find yourself complaining about time or money.
  4. Focus on the interaction instead of distractions.  It is tempting to go somewhere where there is lots to do but your initial dates should be opportunities for the two of your to determine whether the chemistry you felt over the phone translates in person.
  5. Abstain from sexual activities until you are ready for a relationship.  Just because you go out on a few dates with a person, you should not assume that you are in a relationship.  If a person cannot verbally commit to a relationship with you, you should not be having sex.  I’m sure a lot of you won’t agree with this but once you start having sex, it’s hard to stop, even when you realize the “situation” isn’t going anywhere.  Why not avoid hurt feelings and misunderstandings and just wait?

Ideas

  • Try group dates.  Take some of the pressure off of feeling like you are being interviewed and hang out in a group setting.
  • Go out for lunch to avoid the temptation of alcohol consumption and the possibility of late night temptations
  • Look for inexpensive places to hang out and talk (the park, local museum,  the zoo, coffee shop, etc)
  • Consider activity dates like racquetball, bowling, laser tag, etc to explore common interests

Yeah, I once considered dating to be a lost art but I think we really just need to explore some alternative ideas and put more focus on getting to know one another.  Please share your dating tips and ideas.

 

Posted in Relationships 101 and tagged , , , , , , , ,

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