LaKesha Womack

Archive for the tag “Steve Harvey”

20 Dec 2012
6 Comments

Will he respect you more if you wait to have sex?

As a minister and evolved woman, the answer to this question should be a simple “yes”.  But I would be lying because that’s not what I really believe.

Most guys (not all guys) don’t really care whether you wait to have sex with them or not.  In fact, as much as they like sex, that’s not really a determining factor in their decision to wife you or make you their girlfriend.  Think about the number of guys that you know that are in sexually unfulfilling relationships.   Trust me, it’s a lot of them out there living with average sex.  While there are more than a few married to women who gave it up pretty quickly.

As shallow as we like to believe that guys are, a lot of them place more emphasis on who you are as a person than how quickly they can get you in bed.  Most guys can tell within a few minutes whether you are the type of woman that they would be interested in pursuing a relationship with, not based on whether they think they are about to score, but based on how well the two of you relate to each other.

So if your reason for not having sex with a guy is because you think that he will respect you more, I challenge you to rethink that philosophy.

You should wait to have sex because YOU respect YOU.  

So often, we worry about what other people think of us or how they see us but you should be more concerned with what’s important to you.  What do you value?  Do you value feeling a physical connection with the person you are interested in? If so, make sure that both of you are clear about your feelings and where the relationship is headed then enjoy creating the connection.  Do you value taking time to get to know a person before you become intimate?  If so, then hold out because it’s important to you and not because you are trying to manipulate his feelings.  Trust me, it doesn’t work.  You can wait one day or one hundred days.  If a guy is really feeling you then he’s going to do whatever it takes to make the relationship work, that includes waiting until marriage to sleep with you.  Set the standard based on what’s important to you and not some gimmick.

I think that sex is an important part of relationships because it is a form of communication between two people.  A lot is said with your physical communication that can’t always be said verbally.  Many times, we rush into sexual situations trying to express something that we aren’t ready to verbally communicate.  The problem isn’t the sex but the miscommunication about our feelings, beliefs and thoughts.  Having sex creates an emotional bond that is sometimes stronger for one person than the other but none the less, it exists.  Even if you have a one night stand with someone, that person may pop into your head every now and again because you created a connection with them.  However, when you are in a relationship with healthy communication outside of the bedroom, what happens when the two of you get naked should strengthen the relationship and reinforce the feelings that you have already expressed.

You can have a ninety day waiting rule, like Steve Harvey suggested in “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man” but if during those ninety days you haven’t spent time bonding and getting to know each other, you might as well had slept with him on the first date.  If you all were not getting along or were arguing during that time, having sex isn’t going to change anything.

There are so many social media therapists ready to tell you to do this or that to get a man or to keep a man but here’s my unprofessional advice…

Do what is going to make you feel like the best person that you can be!

Quit worrying about being sexy and having sex.  Focus more on getting to know people and when it’s time for the right man to come along then he will come.  Holding out, having sex or becoming celibate should be a decision that you make because it  promotes your values and beliefs. Being a person with strong character, willing to stand for whatever you believe, will speak more to him than any relationship rules.

Image courtesy of doveeyes.com

Image courtesy of doveeyes.com

 

**Don’t forget there are other ways to express intimacy than just having sex…

Posted in Relationships 101 and tagged , , , , , , ,
21 Jun 2012
3 Comments

Are you afraid of being labeled a “gold digger”?

Steve Harvey presents a very interesting case for ‘gold diggers’ in his book, “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man“…

To paraphrase Steve’s concept, he states that ‘gold digger’ is a term created by men so that they would not have to be accountable to financially providing for women…

By labeling a woman as a ‘gold digger’ if she asked a man for money, the woman would be deterred thus allowing the man to do what he pleased…

I find this mode of thinking interesting on so many levels…

First of all,  I know that some guys really think like this.  I remember dating a guy who would tell me stories about previous dating experiences where the woman asked him for money and the negative feelings he had associated with that.  I giggled because I knew where he was leading, otherwise what would be the point of him telling me this.  He was trying to discourage me from asking him for money so that I would not be labeled a ‘gold digger’.  Another guy kept complimenting me on being an independent woman who didn’t need him to do anything for me o_O I laughed at that because there was no way any man was going to get off that easy.  You think you’re going to be my man with no sense of obligation to me, for what???

On the other hand, I know some women who make gold digging a profession.  They don’t work but drive the nicest cars, live in fly spaces and demand (yes, demand) to eat at the most expensive restaurants.  They target guys who can afford them this lifestyle knowing that they have little to nothing outside of personal attention to provide in return.

Where does that leave us?

We have a group of men who are afraid of being used financially and a group of women with a primary motive of getting all they can get…

In the middle of these two groups are ordinary men and women seeking mutually beneficial relationships.  A woman who wants a man who will provide for her and act as the head of his household, not because she demands it but because that is the role of a man in a relationship. And then there’s the man who wants to treat his woman like a queen but he’s met so many imposters until it is almost impossible to tell the real thing when she comes along.

So now we have all of these independent women who don’t need a man to take care of them (neck rolling and all) and men who are skating on easy street with no sense of responsibility in a relationship.  Yep its all messed up…

Here’s the catch though… 

Most of the women claiming they don’t need a man, don’t have a man.  Most of a women that need a man so that they can maintain their standard of living, have a man.

Wonder why?

Because no matter what a man says, his primal instinct is to provide for his woman.  Most men will cheat on their wives to be with someone who makes them feel needed rather than taking for granted the things that they do.  Gold diggers may not have genuine feelings for their man but when he’s around, they make him feel like the best thing since sliced bread while all of the independent women act like they could care less if he’s around.

I’m not afraid of being labeled a ‘gold digger’…

Image courtesy of pinterest.com

I have standards in a relationship.  I know what I want and what I deserve.  I don’t care how much money a man has or what type of car he drives but I do care about the role he desires to play in our relationship.  Does he see himself as a provider or does he think it’s every man/woman for themselves?  Does he make sure that I am taken care of or does he just assume that everything is ok?

Also… I dropped the independent woman label a long time ago because when you say you don’t need a man, you act like you don’t need a man. (Read I Don’t Need a Man).  I need a man because two is stronger than one when planning a future, raising a family and dealing with the turbulence of life.  I need a shoulder to cry on, a smile to gaze upon and laugh to share.  I don’t just want those things but I need them in my life because I believe that I will be greater when I have a King to make me his Queen.  Will I settle for any dude that comes along flashing a big wad or a nice smile, definitely not because I know my worth but I also won’t allow some dude to manipulate me into believing that he shouldn’t have to do anything for me or that would make me a gold digger…

Want more relationship advice from me?

Posted in Relationships 101 and tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,
23 Apr 2012

Ladies, it’s ok to think like a man…

I know some of you ladies won’t agree with me on this but I think that its ok for us to think like a man…

Some of the arguments that I have heard against this statement are…

  • I don’t need to think like a man, I need to think like God…
  • If I was meant to think like a man then I would have been created a man…
  • I don’t need to think like a man, a man should think like me…

Here is my opinion…

Many of you have heard of Steve Harvey’s book, “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man“.  Some of you have read the book while others may have only seen the movie.  Regardless of your opinion about his opinion on the subject, you must realize that one of the keys to communicating in any relationship or situation is your ability to understand the other person’s perspective.  If you go into every situation expecting to be understood but having no desire to understand then don’t be surprised when there is a breakdown in communication.

I believe that men and women process information differently and this theory has been tested, written about and discussed for years.  No matter our communication styles, we all expect to be heard, respected and understood.  When a lady thinks like a man,  she is taking into consideration that if she presents him with a problem; unlike her girlfriend who won’t mind chatting for hours about the single subject, he will more than likely be seeking a solution.  She also takes into consideration that most men don’t read emotions very well, they believe you when you say that nothing is wrong.

Thinking like a man doesn’t mean that you stop being a woman or throw your religious values out the door but it means that when you communicate, you are thinking of not only your side but also his.  In a successful relationship, he will also be trying to think like you so that he can understand, respect and hear what you are saying…

Posted in Relationships 101 and tagged , , , , , | Leave a Comment
28 Jun 2011

My highlights from the @BET Awards

I know a lot of people watch the BET Awards for the musical performances and to see what their favorite celebrities are wearing.  Normally, those are the same reasons that I watch, however my highlight from this year’s award show was their technology integration.  Since becoming a Twitter junkie (I’ve been in recovery for the past few months), I’ve enjoyed following my friends throughout the country as we watched and provided our commentary on our favorite and least favorite moments.  But it was great to see BET riding the technology wave and using the HTC EVO 4G to announce the winners, despite the EPIC (a word I don’t use loosely or often) fail during the viewer’s choice award.  Of course, there were a few areas that could have used some improvement, however the fact that BET made the bold leap forward is commendable.  It probably would have been easier to keep doing the show the way that it always has been done but to step out and try something new is a step in the right direction for a brand whose primarily audience is young adults actively engaged with technology and social media.

Other memorable moments…

  • The Real Husbands of Hollywood
  • Kevin Hart as the No Man (thank you for saying what a lot of us think)
  • Free’s body proportion – mama’s got sass!!
  • Kelly Rowland – definitely not the same young lady we saw in Destiny’s Child, she’s all woman and working it
  • Ceelo – need I say more…
  • Steve Harvey‘s speech – I’m not huge fan but I have respect for all that he does in the community and for him to stand and boldly proclaim the influence God has played in his success made for one of the best acceptance speeches that I’ve heard in a while
I’m sure there are a million more that stand out in your mind but those are the ones that are still lingering with me.
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Posted in Living Young and Fabulous and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment
04 Mar 2011

We need your vote for a CAPITAL CAUSE

Recently, Capital Cause became a finalist in K-Mart’s Share the Word campaign, which is a celebration of the work organizations are doing in their city to make their community special.  The winner will receive a $1,000 and also an expense-paid block party thrown on their behalf and hosted by Steve Harvey!

Needless to say, $1,000 would be a tremendous boost to our philanthropic efforts of supporting educational nonprofits this year and the block party will be a great opportunity to give back to professionals in the DC community; however, before we see the finish line, we need you to help us run the race.

Please click this link – http://www.kmart.com/sharetheword – and vote for Capital Cause!

Share it with your networks and encourage them to vote to so that we can win this for DC.  Voting ends on March 6th so you don’t have much time but vote as many times as the site will allow.

Thank you for your support!  Capital Cause is busy seeking ways to provide the DC community with amazing philanthropic, social and service opportunities.

Check out their website – http://www.capitalcause.com

Follow them on Twitter – http://twitter.com/capital_cause

Get LinkedIn – http://www.linkedin.com/companies/capital-cause

Submitted by: Corey Ponder, PR Director, Capital Cause

Posted in Living Young and Fabulous and tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment

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